The end of April arrived with the shock news of my auntie’s death, and the end of May came with a funeral that was a heart-felt tribute to her life.
And all around me, the lush green, the fennel and dandelion and plantain and nettles that I pick from the garden and chop in the kitchen, remind me that there is no such thing as endings.
So often I hear my clients (or myself) saying ‘this again?!’ I thought I healed this!’
But life moves in cycles, in spirals, and as you go deeper into yourself, and move more bravely into the world with your work, your core wounds come up larger. They may trick you for a while, looking like a new issue, something completely different. But 99% of the time, it’s the same old stuff, in a new disguise.
One of my biggest struggles is the fear of outshining; worrying others will be jealous.
This shows up in many forms. I make things harder than they need to be; because if it’s too easy, other people will hate me (says my subconscious). I can’t be happy AND successful AND it be easy! That wouldn’t be fair.
When I was at primary school everything WAS easy for me. I was the fastest in the class until Robert Edwards beat me in year 4. (I was still the fastest girl!) I was on the netball team. I was clever and I loved learning; I still remember the joy of sitting down to start a new project on killer whales, or Henry VIII, or the Aztecs.
I remember the glee of scoring that straight line down the left hand side of the paper, writing my name and date at the top and starting.
I remember the pride of getting my work back with lots and lots of ticks.
Do you hate me yet?
The other girls did. I wasn’t allowed to play with them; or when I was, they would turn it into a trick so I was still left out. Once they blindfolded me and then ran away.
I learnt that being bright and talented and capable was not what got you friends. It got you loneliness and pain.
So I got pretty good at being pretty average. But the thing is, I’m not average.
I’m actually really intelligent. EEk it feels scary to claim that! But I am. I went to a Secondary School that you had to be in the top 5% of the country to get into. I get new concepts really quickly and then I develop new ones off the back. My brain is always going ping ping ping with new ideas! When someone has a problem I can easily see what they need to do differently to make things work. I’ve learnt from Human Design (and life!) that this is a great skill in business… but I must not use it in my relationships! My genius lies in deep listening and a precision of insight which, if we allow it, moves both me and my clients forward in massive growth spurts.
It feels scary to admit that. To say good things about myself. I’ve spent a lot of time claiming the dark, the hurt, the shame I didn’t even know was there before I got close enough to see it. And now it’s time to claim the awesomeness.
I share because I bet some of you have similar stories. I share because I know the pain of dimming your light, and I know my work in the world is to help you be brave enough to share your truth.
I share because the conversations I have in private with some of the brightest, most magical women and men on this planet excite me SO MUCH that I want them out there! I know that if these conversations were heard by more, if these people were sharing their gifts more fully, the world would be a completely different place.
I bet there are things you’re REALLY good at, that you’re hiding because you don’t want others to hate or judge you for it.
Back in March, I was asked to speak on stage at an event in New Orleans. It was the longest talk I’ve done to date; 45 minutes. The topic? Self-Expression in Business.
It was a breakthrough moment for me in how I show up in the world. When I got off stage, the woman I had been sitting next to in the audience said ‘You were such a leader up there. So powerful, but with no edges. But…I feel like I’ve been jipped! I was sitting next to you, and I had no idea you were so powerful’.
Now, of course there’s always a difference in the energy you take to the stage compared to the energy you have sitting in the audience. But that’s not what the woman was reflecting. She was saying she had NO IDEA who I was until I stepped onto the stage. I realised I was still hiding.
(It’s a spiral, right… there’s no beginning and no end…)
I wasn’t hiding behind a laptop, or behind a mask of perfectionism, or ‘got it all sorted’, anymore… but I wasn’t FULLY showing up in all my power and letting others see that about me.
I was still playing the nice girl role. The one that people like.
Not the one that’s so good at everything she makes people jealous.
(The irony is, I’ve had conversations with people who ARE jealous of me – so the tactic wasn’t working anyway!)
Part of stepping up and becoming a Beacon for your ideal clients does involve making people jealous. Some of them will be conscious enough to know that it’s not about you; you’re simply showing them what’s missing in their own lives. Others won’t be able to acknowledge this; it will be too painful. You will be revealing to them something that they really want, but aren’t able to admit they want. Somewhere inside they are judging it, and so instead they judge you; it’s much easier that way.
But when you’re living life as a Beacon, you don’t take the easy way. You go through the fire.
You open a space for the difficult conversations in your relationship. (You know on the other side is deeper intimacy and connection.)
You ask the questions that need to be asked of your clients. (You know on the other side is the breakthrough they need.)
You listen to your intuition, even when it tells you crazy things that make no sense. (You know on the other side is the dream life you could never have planned.)
Click to tweet: “Life moves in spirals, and as you go more bravely into the world your core wounds come up larger” @flowtofreedom
If you’re ready to take the path of inner alchemy, turning your pain to gold, sharing your truth to help others who need to hear it, and shine your light so bright that those you need you can find you.. and pay you… then Beacons LIVE may be just what you need.
We will unearth your natural brand of magic, so you can stop looking left and right, comparing yourself to others, and know that the transformations you create by being YOU are exactly what you are here to do, to give, to sell.
We’ll look at how you can harness that knowledge and amplify it in your marketing, and in the way you go through the world.
We’ll pin-point what it is about you that people will pay you for, so you get to be YOU in life and at work and know that’s enough. No more over-giving and burning yourself out.
We’ll do all of this in a radically gentle way, interspersing our work sessions with play, creativity and deep rest, because you cannot hear your deep wise voice unless your nervous system is relaxed. All the decisions you make over the 3 days will come from your deepest inner wisdom.
Would you like to join me? Are you ready to stop hiding how bloomin amazing you are and start letting people know??
I know my ideal clients have done a lot of personal development already. They’ve worked on their businesses for years. But the missing piece might just be letting people know you’re here… letting them know what you’ve got.
And I’m not just talking about that buzz-word, ‘visibility’. I’m talking about actually letting yourself be seen. In all your uniqueness. Your wonderful weirdness.
It’s a whole different story.
Ready to shine bright?
Beacons LIVE is from the 13th to the 17th June at Inner Guidance Retreat Centre, Lavenham.
Apply to talk to me and book your ticket here: https://katharinewolf.satoriapp.com/offers/81333-the-goldilocks-effect
How about you?
What spiral are you in… what’s the challenge you meet again and again as you move through the world? I’d love to know how you’re going to accept it and let yourself be seen by the people who need to know your truth. Share in the comments below.